Mano dukra lanko chorą. Jau du metus jį lanko du kartus per savaitę kartu su dar dvidešimčia vaikų. Kiekvieną savaitę vaikai dainuoja, o tėveliai sėdi ir klauso. Patalpa nedidelė, taigi visi sėdi gana glaudžiai. Vaikų vardus žinome, nes girdime mokytoją juos vardinant, tačiau jų tėvus pažįstu tik iš matymo. Mes net nesisveikiname. Visi baisiai užimti, sulindę į savo telefonus, knygas ar darbo popierius, bando išnaudoti tą laiką „naudingai“. Nežinau nei jų vardų, nei kuo jie užsiima, nei tuo labiau jų pomėgių ar charakterių. Nors (ne)pažįstami mes jau du metus.
Persikraustėme į naują butą. Kai išsinuomavome butą ir planavome ten gyventi ilgai, auginti savo vaikus, pirmas impulsas buvo imti butelį vyno ir eiti susipažinti su kaimynais. Bet sustabdė mintis – kaip gi čia atrodys? Gal jie visai nenori, kad aš užeičiau? Nepasiruošę, o dar gerti vyną su kažkokiais nepažįstamais, kur čia matyta? Ne… netinkama mintis. Taip ir nesusipažinau. Gyvenome visi šalia, susitikdami lifte, laiptinėje, pasisveikindami, bet nepažįstami.
Vakarėlis. Susirenka apie dvidešimt žmonių, bičiulio/vaiko/kolegos gimtadienis. Visi kalbasi, bendrauja, geria, juokiasi. Bet tik su tais, kuriuos pažįsta. Visi kiti, nors kartu atšventę ir valgę nuo to pačio stalo, lieka nepažįstami, kuriuos galbūt gatvėje atskirsi, bet vargu ar pasisveikinsi. Apsimesi, kad nepažįsti. Kokia girdėta frazė, ar ne?
Neįprasta klausti vardo, neįprasta klausti, kuo užsiimi, neįprasta, apskritai, klausi jokio asmeninio klausimo. Visi apsimeta, kad jie labai užimti didžiuliam būry savo draugų ir naujiems pažįstamiems ten vietos nebėra.
Kada ateina ta riba, kai žmogus jau tampa vertas su juo susipažinti? Ar nesusipažįstame todėl, kad neįdomus, nevertas, ar todėl, kad nedrįstame?
Dabar turime labai gerus kaimynus. Jie mumis domėjosi nuo pat namo įsirengimo pradžios, lankėsi ir patarinėjo statybų klausimais. Na, galvoju, tikrai reikia normaliai susipažinti. Ėmiau jautį už ragų, pakviečiau juos į svečius. Vieni atėjo, atnešė įkurtuvių dovanų, kita pora negalėjo, nenumatytos aplinkybės sutrukdė. Vėl sėdėjom, kalbėjom, vaišinomės, kol susikaupiau ir paklausiau, ką jie gyvenime veikia. Iki šiol jaučiu to klausimo nepatogumą. Nors ir atsakė, bet labai nenoromis. Tarsi būčiau įlindusi į jų lovą. O apie artimiausius kaimynus, porą kuri tą vakarą neatėjo, iki šiol nežinau nieko. Mes bendraujam, bet merginos beveik nesimato. Draugė. Ar žmona? Nežinau. Nieko nežinau. O kaip sužinoti? Juk neklausi susitikus pakeliui į namus. O ką tu dirbi? Ar jūs vedę?
O dabar vakarėlis Nyderlanduose. Visi stovi, niekas visą vakarą nesėdi. Ir ne tik stovi, bet ir vaikšto. Užtenka tik prieiti prie jau besikalbančios grupelės ir pirmas tave pamatęs džiugiai sušuks:
Rasa! Labas!
Visi, nesvarbu, kokia svarbia ar įdomia tema kalbėjosi, atsisuks ir pasisveikins bei paklaus: kaip sekasi?
Tada gali atsakyti: ačiū, gerai, arba užvesti naują temą ir papasakoti, kaip dvi valandas sėdėjai kamštyje kad čia atvažiuotum, o tada ir kiti pradės dalintis panašiomis savo patirtimis. Jei esi vienas ir tavęs niekas nepažįsta, užtenka tik prisiartinti – visi atsisuks ir pasisveikins, pasakydami savo vardą ir paduodami ranką. Jei norės toliau kalbėtis buvusia tema, trumpai tau paaiškins: mes čia kalbame apie futbolą, čempionatą, o Hansas va sako, kad galėjome sužaisti geriau…. ir vėl visi įsilies į diskusiją, o tu gali rinktis – klausytis, įsiterpti su savo nuomone, ar nueiti, nes tema tau neįdomi.
Po savaitės susitikus parduotuvėje nors vieną iš tos grupelės, su tavimi būtinai pasisveikins, ir jei neprisimins tavo vardo, paklaus: Sara…tiesa?
Va, toks ten mandagumas. Elementarus mandagumas.
Visą nemokamą knyga gali perskaityti čia:
▶ Atsisiųsti „Žodžio Galia“: https://bit.ly/2LZRuSI
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